In music today, there are two common themes—Love and Breakups—that make up the vast majority of songs. Music is a powerful outlet especially for the latter of the two themes. Breakup songs provide an escape from reality that allows those whose hearts have been broken to begin the healing process as they go through the five stages of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance.
Great breakup songs are beneficial to healing after a breakup. Lyrics that speak to and make a connection with the listener are a major part of creating an excellent breakup song. Sometimes they reminisce about the times that people miss after a breakup, or what life will be like without the person in the future. The lyrics echo the thoughts of the listener and let them know they are not alone in the recovery process. In addition to the lyrics, passion is vital in a great breakup song as it moves the listeners, makes their hearts break, and connects them with the musician. By creating a new world for the listener, breakup songs allow the victims of heartbreak to escape from the real world, giving them a chance to stop pretending everything is okay and allowing them to mourn their loss.
Through a great breakup song people may start to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and begin rebuilding themselves. In order for this process to start, a connection between the musician and listener must be formed. The listener needs to both feel the singer’s pain, sorrow, and regret, and know that they do not need to hide their feelings of rejection and hurt. The musician in a truly great breakup song shows his or her sincerity as they reminisce about old memories that evoke thoughts and feelings in the reader that bring back both good and bad memories. While listening to a good breakup song, the listener may want to weep in despair and not feel guilty for doing so. The songs welcome the feelings of self-pity that accompany a bad breakup. Some breakup songs describe the immense loss and sadness that becomes overwhelming, while other songs curse the lover who scorned them. Depending on what stage each person is in; differing songs are easy to relate to. Every breakup song is typically linked to one of five stages people must go through to get past the breakup: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance.
Frank Sinatra’s song “What’ll I Do” perfectly exemplifies dealing with the denial stage in the grief process. In this stage, the brokenhearted refuses to believe and rather denies the breakup has happened. The reality of the situation has not become apparent. In the lyrics, Sinatra repetitively asks what he is going to do now that his love and himself have separated. When Sinatra asks “When I’m alone with only dreams of you, that won’t come true, what’ll I do?” he questions something that many brokenhearted wonder. By asking these common questions Sinatra establishes a common ground with those who have recently lost a lover. Throughout the song he seems a little lost, like it has not really hit him yet that the relationship is over. This is not uncommon for the brokenhearted to feel, and the song is reassuring in that it lets them know that they are not the only ones who have felt this way. The song is excellent as far as breakup songs go. Sinatra’s sincere voice is full of sadness that makes the listener’s heart ache for his loss. The slow pace of the song, along with pauses between lines add a dramatic effect to the song that gives listeners time to reflect on their own loss. “What’ll I Do” is a great breakup song for those in the Denial stage of the grief process as they move towards the bargaining stage.
In the song “At This Moment,” Michael Buble takes on the persona of a man in the bargaining stage of grief after a breakup where the brokenhearted try to change what happened by bargaining with the person who left them. The song starts off with slow piano music, which creates a somber mood that is intensified by the distressed voice of the singer. Throughout the song, Buble pleads to his girl who has left him for another man to come back to him. About two minutes into the song the music builds and crescendos to a high point that falls instantly to silence as the singer exclaims “What do you think I would give at this moment if you’d just stay?” The listener’s heart breaks as he tells her that he would “subtract twenty years from [his] life, [he’d] fall down on [his] knees, [he’d] kiss the ground [she] walks on if [he] could just hold [her] again.” This leaves listeners with emptiness in their hearts as they realize their position is similar to Buble’s. The pace of the song is slow enough to let Buble’s words sink in and really evoke a powerful emotional effect. Listeners’ hearts break even more as Buble makes it obvious that he cannot hate or hurt this girl who has just shattered his heart, and that he wants nothing more than to love her and be with her.
“The Memory” by Mayday Parade is the ultimate breakup song for the depression stage. The listener becomes overwhelmed as they are immersed into the incessant misery that is the singer’s world. It is evident the breakup happened a while ago and yet the singer is still not over his lost love. Lyrics like “this is the curse of having too much time to think about it” and “this is endless” portray the hopelessness the singer feels. It is evident he sees no end to his current agony. The almost painful sound of the singer’s voice, the slow tune, and the sounds of the piano add to the melancholy feel of the song. The way the instruments build on each other to create a more complex instrumental sound adds a dramatic effect that captures the listener’s attention, pulling them into the world of the singer. The instrumental part of the music repeats itself and remains in the background of the song, allowing the singer’s sorrowful words to captivate the listener. The singer creates a world of unwavering pain as he sings of how “[he] cannot escape the past” which is constantly “reminding [him] that [he] can never bring [her] back.” The point of ultimate heartbreak is when the singer says “take my heart, as you’re leaving, I don’t need it anymore” showing that he has given up on love without this girl.
As people progress through the breakup process, many start to resent the person who broke their heart and start to show anger and hatred. “Gone Forever” by Three Days Grace illustrates this anger stage. The song begins with a slow, strumming guitar and it is clear by the singer’s voice that he is suffering. As the song approaches the chorus the music builds and becomes much angrier and intense. The singer’s voice is full of fury and resentment. The listener can almost feel his hatred and agony as the singer cries “I feel so much better, now that you’re gone forever” which shows his anger and hostility towards his ex. Yet in the next line he admits “I tell myself that I don’t miss you at all” which makes it evident that the singer is not completely over the breakup because he has to consciously tell himself to not miss her. The intensity of the singer’s voice and the quick tempo of the song illustrate the chaos of emotions that he is feeling. It is evident the singer is struggling with the fact this girl is gone, but through his anger he is trying to accept and be okay with it.
In “Broken Man” by Boys Like Girls, the singer personifies a man who is moving towards the acceptance stage of the grief process. It is obvious the singer is not completely over the girl but he has come to terms with the fact they are broken up and it is time for him to move on. The song starts off with a slow, even tempo that builds and becomes more complex as the song continues. The tempo climaxes right before the singer exclaims “I won’t let you bring me down,” which adds a sense of intensity in the singer’s decision to move on. In the lyrics the artist says “I took one big step and I looked away,” which illustrates the musician is able to “step away” from the situation and look at it objectively. He knows he has had his time to mourn and now he must move on. His desire to move on is especially evident in lyrics such as “I need to start to be myself” and “I won’t let you bring me down.” The musician tells his ex he “will learn to love again” and makes it clear he is going to move on without her. The song gives the heartbroken hope that things will return to normal and they are going to be okay.
Breakups are a nearly unavoidable aspect as one progresses through life. Music is a great escape and tool in the recovery process. Have you ever felt lost and alone after the object of your affection has deserted you? Breakup songs, specifically the top five that I have listed, are key to getting over a breakup. It is common to find comfort in a great breakup song as connections to the musician form and hiding heartbreak becomes unnecessary. It helps many people progress through the five stages of grief and returns a sense of normalcy to their lives.
